On the third day of my involuntary incarceration in Psych Ward 2, my husband finally called.
When I spoke to him, my heart lightened when he said he was proud of me. Happy I was taking this seriously. That he and my children would be waiting for me.
Yet as
The first two days I spent curled up in the fetal position. Trays of food were brought in, taken out, and replaced with others that would remain untouched. I couldn’t pick my head up off the pillow. Sleep was the only escape I had.
Hours earlier, they’
I will play a role. I will play a role. I will be a good wife. I will be a happy wife. I will not say anything. I will play nice. I will play nice. I will play a role. Just play a role. Just play a role. Your greatest
It’s hard to write when your hands are shaking.
I promised you all, however, to tell the full story. And, unlike some people, I stay true to my word. Even though, as I write this, it feels like rubbing salt into the wound. I am writing through pain,
Swallowed nausea Found catharsis in other guys Their sweat soaked sheets, your mascara crushed on a pillow You might have screamed during sex. You might have pounded the wall with your fists. You might have ripped out a sense of self and watched it leave your body. It was never for them. It was ecstasy […]
Saturday morning I woke up with a mother of a hangover. I didn’t even drink that much but clearly this ‘age thing’ is no myth. I rolled over to my fiancé. “Ugh I shouldn’t have smoked that cigarette. I feel sick. Why did you let me do that?” “Because you would have just told me, […]
Sometimes it scares me, my ability to be okay. The way I can move forward so easily after so much has gone wrong makes life feel temporary, transient. I sometimes wonder if anything will truly stop me in my tracks, hold me in my place, keep me there, steady me. Maybe that thing will be […]
Sometimes a good fuck will make me sob or laugh hysterically. It can be awkward, trying to explain thoughtless tears meaningless laughter that erupts from the better orgasms. Maybe it isn’t just that the orgasms are a thing beyond beauty and meaning and concepts Maybe it’s that they come at a time of a deep […]