https://wordsofwomennewsletter.ghost.io/the-visitor/
I was getting changed. Out of the KPOP costume, into jeans and a t-shirt. I was taking my time, breathing in and out, stabilizing from the overstimulation. Fifteen three-year-olds, twelve parents, still downstairs. I was taking a break from playing hostess, mother, Zoe from Huntrix.
There were beverages, snacks, cake, pizza, games, crafts, a pinata. All looked normal, well enough, but inside, I was trembling. Only in my closet, did I let myself unfold. I was succumbing to the unraveling I felt before everyone arrived. As I tried to apply makeup with an unsteady hand. Hardly alive enough for my kids, now daring myself to be alive for an audience. This can’t last. I thought, my hands shaking as I looked for a pair of jeans. I can only keep this up for so long.
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