My very clever sister said this to my Mother; about the assistance Mum gave to my Brother and his Wife.
“Are you doing what they want, or what you want?”
Sometimes, helping can be construed as interfering, if it’s not what is wanted.
Creating conflict is not helping.
“I do so much for them!” Yes, but is it wanted? Maybe the parents would rather live with the mountains of washing and would much prefer you came round and played with the grand kids. Happy times and happy sounds.